Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
