how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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