I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
