i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
