i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
