Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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