Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
