Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This house was built for laser tag.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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