I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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