Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
