I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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