There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
