Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
