Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
