Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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