apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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