Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
