I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
