He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
