My first STD was from a foam party
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
