this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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