My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize