Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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