Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
