Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
