Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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