She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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