i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
