Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
