Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
