Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
