Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
