So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
