I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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