you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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