He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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