I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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