I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
