I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
