If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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