How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
