11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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