I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
