Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
