Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
