i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
