I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
