Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
