you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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