I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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