My room smells like vodka and shame
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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