My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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