I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
