He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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