I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
