What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
