it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Watching her eat just hurts me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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