Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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