My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
