Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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