I think im going to throw up on grandma
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
