He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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