I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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