but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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