He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
