She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
