Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
