So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
