I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Randomize
