Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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