Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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