Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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