I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
