No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
