you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
