and i looked up. we had an audience...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
