what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
